Saved by a Fireman, Part One

In early 1980, when everything was normal, Monday nights were my first wifes night out. She had a friend who lived in Ormskirk and we'd pick her up on the way to Southport. The kids would be strapped in their respective safety apparatus, child seats on the back seat of the car. I'd drop them (the wife and her mate) off at the bar or club then drive home, They would get a taxi home... I was a very trusting soul in those days I think you'll agree....

One night, my wife and I had a huge row and she took off, the next morning it was obvious to me that she hadn't come home after I'd gone to bed, she'd stayed out all night. She got home at mid-day and I quizzed her about her whereabouts the preceding evening....It was eventually discovered that she'd gone off and had sex with a fireman. Devastating news. Thereafter followed a few weeks of interesting happenings, she left, came back, left again, I left, came back, left again....then eventually we both dropped back into equilibrium when there were promises of "Never having sex with the fireman again" bandied about the house as though they meant something....

After the initial WHSWF incident (Wife Had Sex with Fireman) I was a total shambles but for some reason I still let her have her Monday nights out with her friend (What a Naive little sod I was then). One particular night I'd dropped them off at the club and was driving back to "Skem" (sounds like a skin disease - "Whats that on you foot Mrs Knapsack?" - "Oh, just a small patch of Skem, nothing to worry about!") when a green Capri whizzed past in the opposite direction. This rang a bell in my head (brain the size of a planet). It was the firemans Capri!.

I did a U-Turn and followed the guy. He went to a bar in Southport and stayed there until about 10.30pm. I waited (remember, the kids are strapped into the back of the car - unwilling participants in this game of cat and mouse) and then followed him when he left. Surprise, surprise. He went to the same club (Toad Hall). I waited for about half an hour then went into the club (telling the bouncer I wanted to talk to my sister - surprisingly he let me in..) Then walked around a bit in there then saw "the fireman" with my wife. I strolled up and told her she was coming home (oh, they were so shocked - she insisted it was a complete coincidence) and this guy, Jerry I think his name was, looked at me with big cow eyes and said "please don't" - like sure....I'd have hit him if I'd had any guts whatsoever, however, I was very unwilling to undergo severe physical pain via a much taller, ladder climbing, sex fiend. What a wimp I was - next time huh!

So I dragged her home and that was the end of that one.

Yeah sure, the correct phrase should be, "that was the beginning of the end...."

More to come.