I want my MTV

"Certainly Sir, would you like the last 24 hours downloaded to your Memory Wafer?...."

If you've followed the media lately you're probably aware that very soon the media will be following you around. Cash, Videos, Game Software and Music in your wallet!

Imagine. 24 hours of high definition TV held in a piece of silicon that is embedded in a card no bigger than your credit card. Of course, the same card WILL be your credit card, identity card, drivers licence, debit card, library card etc...

Well, stop imagining because the future is here, almost....

Smart cards promise to revolutionise the way people make financial transactions, or for that matter, any type of transaction. Want cash?, Insert the Wafer into the modified ATM and actually download it into your card. Money is debited from your account and the smart card is credited. Making a purchase is the reverse, the smart card will be debited until its balance is zero, or a predetermined negative balance based on your credit rating.

Why stop there. Take a trip down to your local Video store, provided you have the Smart Terrabyte Wafer then you can download, from the data bank, any movie, in any format, in any language. It will be loaded into the credit card sized computer and will be encrypted so that you can view (on a suitable player) the film multiple times in a 48 hour period. Starting with the first viewing. So, if by some chance you can't watch it that particular night, don't sweat. If you wish to own the film (a collector of bytes) then they'll certainly subtract more money from your card for the encryption key. Hey, wasn't that the DIVX concept from Circuit City!

Take a stroll down to the local music store. Download that latest CD. Did I use the word "CD" there, sorry that concept will fade into history, probably along with the Video and Music "offline" stores.

Just plug the card into the terminal and download it. Pay your money (by the Smart card) and take your encrypted bytes away with you.

In all of the above I missed out the obvious, soon, through mega-bandwidth cable services, everything will be available, 24/7, at a terminal close to your sofa, or set-top box, or slipper warmer. No need to even move out of the house, everything will beat a path to your door. Video on demand (VOD), money on demand (MOD) and of course, games on demand.

Flux Capacitors and HDTV

Yes, we're gonna go "Back in time...."

If you've followed the computer scene over the last few years you're probably aware of the $600 machines, the $500 machines, the $300 machine and the set top box, the all singing, all dancing cable internet media wonderbox that also makes toast.

Of course, we're going to be seeing more for less, thats always been the way in the PC game hasn't it?. More features, bigger stuff, faster stuff, always for less money. Cool!

So why am I saying that we are going back in time?.

Integration is an old fashioned concept, look at the Commodore 64, an integrated Video chip, the famous SID sound chip, the 64k of onboard RAM. The compact size, the external power supply, the low, low price.....(actually if you do want to look at one, I still have one in my garage, hidden away from my Korean buddy).

The machine was obsolete as soon as it was shipped but it was enjoyed by millions of users around the world for several years. Looks like we're about to reinvent the wheel.

So, do I have a point?...

The integrated motherboard of the wonder-bread box will not be cost-effectively repairable when the warranty fades. If a surface mount chip fails, the motherboard is crippled or dead. Technicians cannot repair a machine cheaply as the solution for most problems would be a replacement of the "heart" of the machine, the mainboard. Compare this to replacing a cars engine when a spark plug fails...

And what about upgrades?.. or are we all tired of upgrades and want the cheap disposable machine?. Maybe its true, we are all "up to here" with the endless upgrades and want to return to the simplicity of a machine like the Commodore 64. They'll give eprom or flash upgrades sure, but there's always something new going to arrive that means a hardware fix and more dollars in the bucket.

If the Industry creates a standard set-top box, wireless interface and O/S then will we all be lining up for our bargain toasters at Wal-Mart?. The Gaming and Internet world will be flat and projected, as big as we want, and in our faces. The Surround Sound will be digital and intense and everything will seem real again. Wow!

When the PC becomes this glorified toaster, with built in obsolescence, will all our computer individuality be lost forever? Will it be the dawn of a boring yet enlightened computing age uncluttered by hardware concerns or competitive edge?.

Or are we being sold another lemon...?

Under Stress

In 1981 I’d been attending teacher training school at Edge Hill college, Ormskirk, times were hard as they say and I’d been out of work for almost a year after being made redundant from two jobs in a row (Gullick Dobson in Wigan and Alcan in Skelmersdale). Well, the grant money had run out and one Thursday, early in 1982, I went into the Jobcentre in Kirkby and saw the advert for ‘Stress Engineer’ at some place called Automotive Products down in Speke.

I remember turning up at the Speke plant security for my interview, the factory, although probably very modern looking in the late fifties, felt quite archaic in the early eighties. I think it was a young Howard Van Netton that came down and walked me back to the office (which was at the back, over by a landing gear drop test tower in those days). I was greeted by a chap who looked in his early fifties, Harry Clark, who took me into his office, and the interview was underway.

Harry Clark was a soft spoken man, the stereotypical aerospace elder at the time with his tweed jacket, slide rule and pipe. After the formalities of the resume and the academic ‘achievements’ we settled down for quite a chat about why I would want to leave teacher training school, would I really want to change from being a draftsman to a numbers man. I just had to be honest and tell him that I really needed the money and I thought that becoming an analyst was a ‘step up’ from a drawing board job (actually meaning that it was a step up from being unemployed).

After that, Harry took me out into the stress office, basically two lines of metal desks next to the windows. Everything was open plan, the drawing office being right next across the aisle. He introduced me to Bob Morris who sat ‘at the back of the bus’ and Howard and the other members of the stress office, but gave no real indication to me if I was to join them.

I drove home thinking that it was just another waste of time, four days later I had the written offer that was to start my analysts career and introduce me to all the amazing characters at APPH and eventually result in emigration to Canada.

All I had to do was pass a medical.

Square One

I was attracted to computers in the early seventies when I joined the Ford Motor company of Dagenham, England - in those days it was unheard of to actually own and enjoy a personal computer, it was unheard of to own a pocket calculator for that matter - these things were far too expensive and out of reach of your average technician apprentice on fourteen quid a week.

Being an apprentice "Engineer" as indeed I was in those days, working in a highly sophisticated technical environment (sic), I came into contact with the incredible computing machines on a 'need to know' basis every Wednesday afternoon for about 45 minutes. (This was good as at that stage of the week I'd normally sobered up from the weekend).

The incredibly dumb Decwriter terminal that I thought was a computer was actually attached via a modem and "acoustic coupler" to a Prime 220 computer (awesome in those days)....the Ford IT people who knew about this machine were very, very secretive about its operation - after all, it was a career in computer science that was at stake and if any "ordinary person" ever grasped any of the fundamentals, God help them.

So, here I was, a technical sprog, subjected to the 'need to know' technique of computer stuff. eg, heres a room, here's a terminal - we'll show you how to 'log on', give you a password and then allow you to run simple programs via paper tape. (but, we'll make sure thats all you'll get up to!) and never let you into the big game.

As time went by computers became more and more accessible to the general public as prices dropped, I've personally been through the loop with Commodore Pets, VIC20's, Sinclairs, Casio's, Mattels infamous Aquarius, Olivetti's M24 (IBM clone), The Commodore 64, The Amiga, a 386, a 486, a Pentium 100mhz, 166mhz, 266mhz, AMD K6-2 350mhz and at the moment I'm running an AMD XP 1600+ home brewed machine at home, which by todays standards is very much on the slow side.

Back in the days of that Prime 220, the running of the computer system was left up to an elite group of people, probably in starched white coats, these people surrounded themselves with technospeak and built themselves an ivory tower. They were the experts at the leading edge of MIS technology (sic again), If there was a computer related enquiry from one of the peons "below" then the normal procedure was to offer the minimum of information to satisfy the query - often raising more questions than answers. It was an impossible process to learn computer stuff without the help of one of these experts and a difficult one with their help.

There seemed to be a few rules involved when experts passed any information over regarding computers :

1. Smile that patronising smile.
2. Use the phrase "No, its far more complicated than that" liberally.
3. Talk quickly and do not repeat yourself.
4. Offer information only on the topic raised, do not springboard.
5. If forced to springboard, talk quicker and use a lot of acronyms.
6. Defend the tower

And so, here we are, thirty years later and I find that here at work, with the new security stuffed operating systems we have a renaissance of the MIS people, a new age of the dumb terminal and confused user. They don't wear white coats any more, but they certainly live in an ivory tower.

We're right back to where we started.

Pear Shaped

I apologise for not contributing over the last few weeks, things have certainly been getting in my way, one, the bang on the head and the wonky eye, two, the mother in law and three, more recently, the South Beach diet and a lack of white bread and sex.

Yes, I’m on a diet once again, I look back at a photo I have when I was fifteen and weighed ten stone, in real terms, that’s one hundred and forty pounds, soaking wet. I look back and I realise, that, back then I used to eat anything, I’d scavenge and forage for any loose food in the house and remain the same weight regardless, and we’re talking a period of years here. I could eat 140 lbs of mum’s apple pie combined with dad’s ice cream and still weigh in, after a good bowel movement, at a buck forty.

So, what happened? – was it the Orange county diet that started it all, was Long Beach responsible for me being a fat bastard, or, if we look into the equation more closely, was it the women and the rampant sex?

Well, there wasn’t that much sex, so it probably was the excessive food and drink that did it, but somehow, I still suspect that women did this to me, be it through temptation or persuasion.

Back in 1974 I was 140 lbs and happy, thirty years later, I’m 205 lbs and miserable and eating a diet designed for diabetics and heart transplant hopefuls, I was eating in 1974 and I’m still eating now, the difference is that, back then the only thing I was riding was my chopper bike.

Coincidence?

I think not….