Pear Shaped

I apologise for not contributing over the last few weeks, things have certainly been getting in my way, one, the bang on the head and the wonky eye, two, the mother in law and three, more recently, the South Beach diet and a lack of white bread and sex.

Yes, I’m on a diet once again, I look back at a photo I have when I was fifteen and weighed ten stone, in real terms, that’s one hundred and forty pounds, soaking wet. I look back and I realise, that, back then I used to eat anything, I’d scavenge and forage for any loose food in the house and remain the same weight regardless, and we’re talking a period of years here. I could eat 140 lbs of mum’s apple pie combined with dad’s ice cream and still weigh in, after a good bowel movement, at a buck forty.

So, what happened? – was it the Orange county diet that started it all, was Long Beach responsible for me being a fat bastard, or, if we look into the equation more closely, was it the women and the rampant sex?

Well, there wasn’t that much sex, so it probably was the excessive food and drink that did it, but somehow, I still suspect that women did this to me, be it through temptation or persuasion.

Back in 1974 I was 140 lbs and happy, thirty years later, I’m 205 lbs and miserable and eating a diet designed for diabetics and heart transplant hopefuls, I was eating in 1974 and I’m still eating now, the difference is that, back then the only thing I was riding was my chopper bike.

Coincidence?

I think not….