Death by Piano

Just a question I like to ask people, and you are people out there are you not my invisible friends?

If you could choose to die by a musical instrument, which one would it be?

I’m a bit of a coward of course, choosing the Grand Piano method. A well dropped 88 key piano, taken squarely on the coconut, would do the job nicely for me. The perfect end, with life ebbing from my crushed body to a resounding multitimbral chord and the smell of toast.

If not a piano, something else with significant mass, but not Rita MacNeil.

I couldn’t handle death by a Piccolo or a drumstick, there would have to be too much jabbing and faffing about for it to be rewarding, mind you, it could depend on the professional approach adopted by the attacker, there are some very gifted people out there you know.

And the inverse is true, what if the chap with the release handle for the piano has astigmatism or a twitch and drops it too soon or too late, catching me on the knee or on the edge of my elbow, and then what? It wouldn’t be a surprise any more, I’d be suddenly aware that the game was afoot, the adrenalin would kick in, and I’d make like a tree and get out of there before the backup drop.

Yes, granted, there could be problems, but I’ll stick with my choice.

What about you?